The Me Who Used to be…

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Someone recently asked me if I truly think that healing is possible after Rape. I thought about this question hard over the next couple days and gave her the best answer I knew how to give, “That depends on how you define healing,” I said. Do I think that you will ever be the person that you once were…? Sadly, no but someone new will emerge. That person will be neither good nor bad only completely different.

You will find new strengths, new weaknesses, and new challenges.   

I try hard to remember the woman I was before this all happened. I never see her anymore. I used to catch glimpses every now and then; but they were very short lived. I no longer recognize the woman staring back at me in the mirror. Her eyes are almost unrecognizable and her pain intricately woven into her soul. A stranger, new and unfamiliar, stares back from where my reflection once stood.

I must get to know her. I must understand her. I must love her. My assault changed everything. That was the day that I died. That was the day I was given new life. On one sense, I was afraid that people could see my brokenness and on another I was afraid that they were blind to the burdens that I carried.

I soon came to the realization that they saw the same stranger staring back at them; neither good nor bad only completely different. I wondered if they would get to know her. I wondered if they would understand her. Mostly, I wondered if they would love her.

I still have to grieve the person I was before because she had family and friends who loved her, and eyes that shined. I also have to celebrate the new life that I have been given. It’s a beautiful thing to know that a stranger will inherit all the love in the world.

Yes, healing is possible but it’s almost always transformative.  

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27 thoughts on “The Me Who Used to be…

  1. Ginny says:

    I am trying embrace that new person. It is not easy.

  2. Savannah says:

    I never met the person that you used to be, but I know the new you and I love that person a lot. You are so strong, brave and just an inspiration and encouragement to me and those around you. They say that what doesn’t kill us only makes us stronger and I know that is true for me and for YOU! I am so honored to have you and my friend. You are amazing and I love you!

    • Thank you so very much! I am really Blessed to be surrounded by great friends and family! You inspire me and give me the much needed strength everyday. I love you so very much and am Glad that God brought you into my life!

  3. Love this post. Getting to know yourself as a new me is not easy but so very worth it.

  4. amandalannon says:

    Reblogged this on Great Blogs and commented:
    The Potter’s Hand at work.

  5. mwitasblog says:

    I can’t begin to imagine the pain of what you went through, and I am truly sympathetic. And still I agree with what Amandalannon said: the Lord is at work in your life.

  6. secretangel says:

    Love this post. Absolutely beautiful and so true. Yes, we can be healed but never the same. As we hold onto God, He will make us stronger and a voice to help others. Sorry that you have been through this and I pray that God will bless you exceedingly and abundantly…

  7. minimooey says:

    I love this post. You said it so beautifully. I feel so much the same way. Thank you for sharing.

  8. Beautiful. Out of the ashes and into new life. The rape doesn’t define us yet the experience and knowing we lived through it and survived empowers us.
    Thank you for sharing. I’ll keep you in my prayers as well.

  9. Aimee says:

    This is so beautifully put. What a wonderful message of self-acceptance.

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