Crack Goes The Rose Colored Glasses

downloadIt’s approximately 2:00 am. I’m awake. I’m learning that sleep doesn’t come easily anymore, because my nightmares consume my dreams. I remember. I remember but I want to forget. My mind it betrays me as it wanders places I do not want it to go. I am not in control of its ultimate destination. It wanders into darkness. I’m held prisoner there, but I’m desperately searching for a way out.

I stare into the darkness and it stares back… haunting my waking moments. The choice is mine: fight or flee. I’m not sure of the outcome and I’ve estimated my odds to not be in my favor. Let’s be honest, everything from my attacker to the justice system now resembles an impenetrable war zone. Every step is a potential land mind. The target of the devastation is no longer my body but instead my spirit. The wounds are intense and the pain expands exponentially.

In fairy tales Good always conquers Evil. In the end, the princess gets her happily ever after and justice prevails. Children need these stories. They are reassured by the themes of safety, hope, and triumph found in them.

I need reassurance in a world that doesn’t resemble fairy tales. Where do you go when the rose colored glasses break and you see past the façade that the world used to be? I’m still praying for my miracle: a plot twist that lets me dream again. He said he was a Christian man- He proclaimed Christ as his own. He continues to watch me DIE in the name of Jesus. This cannot be how my fairy tale ends.

Please, wake up!?

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6 thoughts on “Crack Goes The Rose Colored Glasses

  1. shreyapunj says:

    That is some pretty dark writing.
    And hey, even my post is about waking up only a littler on the lighter note.
    Anyhow, great writing, as always. One tiny spelling mistake in the second paragraph’s opening line.
    🙂

    • haha I write because it helps me to heal. I write to be honest with myself and everyone else. I’ll look for the spelling mistake. I’ll probably have a lot more of those. I’m ok with that 🙂 thanks for the comment.

  2. shreyapunj says:

    Okay, I re-read your post.
    The symbolism is amazing. Powerful words.

  3. Savannah says:

    There is so much I could say, but since we are so much alike I know that it’s not going to do any good at this point in time. Right now the thing that you need to know is that I think you are amazing and I love you very much! I am so glad that God brought you into my life and I value our friendship. I’m glad that you are writing and sharing it because I know that it helps to “process.”
    I’m looking forward to the day that life seems bright and an okay place to be. I know we’re both tired of the darkness. Perhaps the next season of our lives will be the best. We have to hold on to something.
    Love you!

    • I love you! You are amazing and Yes, I’m still holding on… This is a roller coaster ride from hell. Honesty, is the best policy. lol I’m so glad that I have you in my life. I think it will be so much better once court is over. Just taking it one nightmare at a time 🙂

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