It’s approximately 2:00 am. I’m awake. I’m learning that sleep doesn’t come easily anymore, because my nightmares consume my dreams. I remember. I remember but I want to forget. My mind it betrays me as it wanders places I do not want it to go. I am not in control of its ultimate destination. It wanders into darkness. I’m held prisoner there, but I’m desperately searching for a way out.
I stare into the darkness and it stares back… haunting my waking moments. The choice is mine: fight or flee. I’m not sure of the outcome and I’ve estimated my odds to not be in my favor. Let’s be honest, everything from my attacker to the justice system now resembles an impenetrable war zone. Every step is a potential land mind. The target of the devastation is no longer my body but instead my spirit. The wounds are intense and the pain expands exponentially.
In fairy tales Good always conquers Evil. In the end, the princess gets her happily ever after and justice prevails. Children need these stories. They are reassured by the themes of safety, hope, and triumph found in them.
I need reassurance in a world that doesn’t resemble fairy tales. Where do you go when the rose colored glasses break and you see past the façade that the world used to be? I’m still praying for my miracle: a plot twist that lets me dream again. He said he was a Christian man- He proclaimed Christ as his own. He continues to watch me DIE in the name of Jesus. This cannot be how my fairy tale ends.
Please, wake up!?