Individuals who have never experienced trauma specifically sexual assault, often times have no idea what I’m talking about. They tend to look at me with a glazed, although well meaning, stare of disconnection. The terms rape or sexual assault are simply words to them. They don’t hold the same emotional weight as they hold for me. They watch shows like law and order SVU- while these shows are sometimes informative they also hold entertainment value. It becomes some fairy tale nightmare only emerging somewhere over the rainbow in a land far, far away.
You can’t see my wounds but they are deep. It is the closest thing to death that I will ever feel in this lifetime. People think that I should be over it by now. They have never experienced this type of pain and for this I am grateful; however this willful blindness only perpetuates further wounding. It does not allow me or others to heal. How can one heal when they are not allowed to acknowledge their own wounding?
For those of you who have never experienced trauma but know someone who has; healing doesn’t happen over night. Please be patient and loving. They need your support now more then ever. You get to choose to be a helper or an undertaker. Choose wisely.
I was dying with every trigger, every nightmare, every breathe…
I was dying an invisible death
I had been shot and the band aid simply wouldn’t do
Surgery was necessary, although the equipment was bare
A transfusion was required
Faith, Hope, and Love were all but gone
Donors lined up from dusk to dawn
Critical care with every trigger and every nightmare
He walked away no shame to be had
Head held high like he was a righteous man
God knows differently and He sees the truth
Healing my heart from invisible death
Loving my soul back from the depth
Every step of my recovery can be attributed to the loving individuals that God has placed in my life. I know that the struggle is not over and I’ll continue to fight; but I am grateful for every victory. If you know someone who is recovering from sexual assault choose to play a role in their healing, refrain from victim blaming. Choose to love. You can be that one spark of light in someone’s darkest moment. Never under estimate your power to do good.