One two a trigger’s coming for you

05782_heart-attack

Trigger is a very interesting word to describe a debilitating emotional response. That phrase sounded so text book, “debilitating emotional response.” Umm ok its more like instant and sudden death and I don’t even think I’m being dramatic here. These are some lessons and truths that I’ve learned about triggers-relating to sexual assault. Of course, I learned the hard way…

1. Triggers are not always simple. Ie graphic content, rape culture, victim blaming

How do you explain to someone that you cannot stand in the line because that man is wearing a similar blue shirt? How about that particular cologne or phrase that your attacker frequently used? Everything is connected to a memory, which is tied to an emotion waiting to strangle you, and sometimes you won’t see it coming…

How do I explain that certain Christian phrases make me physically ill and I literally have to avoid Bible passages? Church is triggering for me. Wow, that was even difficult for me to write, let alone say.

2. They are Impossible to avoid. I’ve tried. Trust me.

You can’t hide from them or avoid them. You literally have to feel them and try to remain grounded or in the present moment. This is extremely difficult but if you fight against them you will only increase their effects, and then a trigger turns into a panic attack, in an instant.

3. Trauma changes everything.

Just. Like. That.

4. Recovery is not a straight line and it’s not the final destination, because in reality the final destination doesn’t exist this side of heaven.

It’s a slow journey, and the only way to travel is one inch at a time, gradually increasing your stride. I know it’s a difficult journey but you have survived thus far and I know you can do it!

5. Recovery is in actuality many things:

Sharing your story

Being honest about your fears and anxieties

Admitting that you are hurting

Receiving help

It’s finding your voice

6. But the most powerful lesson that I’ve learned, is that when I speak up- inevitably others do too.

Whether it is writing a blog, reading a poem at a venue, or simply an offhanded comment. Once one person speaks…Someone else, who once thought they were all alone, speaks up too.

The truth is that we are not alone and the more we talk and reach out, the more we find each other…

And that was probably the most healing thing I ever did.

Advertisements

9 thoughts on “One two a trigger’s coming for you

  1. I have the worst time admitting I am hurting or that I need help. I’m there now and I’m just pushing everyone away. Sitting alone and marinating in my pain. Thanks for the reminder.

    • I’m sorry for the pain. It honestly sucks and no one should ever have to go through it, but its even harder alone. You deserve to be loved even in the midst of the hurt, actually especially in the moments when you are hurting. I hope you find that safe place and know that I’m cheering you on because you amazing!

      • Oh! Thank you! I am thankful that there are people who understand. Here in my “real” world, not too many do. I just started blogging and I’m finding that although it is very therapeutic, it also stirs up some deeply hidden feelings and memories that set me back at times.

  2. It is so good to read your words. I know often it must be hard to share what you do. I appreciate it. I appreciate knowing I am not alone. I can not remember (or have not remembered) my own abuse, but I aften feel the effects. Only I never realized, until now what could be happening. I get unreasonably angry or frightened by the stupidest things. Maybe now that I understand this I might be able to use it and somehow face what happened to me when I was a baby. Knowing that it isn’t stupid, and that I am not alone helps so much more than I ever could have imagined. I applaud your courage. I am thankful to you for being brave enought to shine a light on all this darkness.

    • You give me courage! I love your heart and spirit. I want you to hear that what you are experiencing is NOT stupid. Its a natural response to traumatic events. I’m so sorry this happened to you but its been amazing watching you find your voice and seek the help that you deserve! I applaud you for that!

  3. Mandy says:

    “when I speak up- inevitably others do too….” Yes! I keep telling myself this, when I hit Publish on a post, and then the dread, fear hits me for “telling” what I’d been taught NOT to tell. Thank you for this most powerful important message today! 🌸

    • Thank you for facing that fear and showing others that they are not alone. Trust me, your story is having an impact even if you don’t see it. You are helping others be brave and find their voice as well!

  4. I have nominated you for the Liebster Award. If you would like to accept it, please go to my blog site for details. You are an inspiration and thank you for your advice and support. TBH

    Stand Strong You Are Not Alone

    I call you a survivor, because that is what you are. There are days when you don’t feel like a survivor and there are days when the memories trigger your past and it feels like you are loosing the fight – but you are not. Take the past and heal with it. You are strong. I want you to know that the abuse was not your fault. It does not matter what age it happened. You did not deserve it, you did not cause it, and you did not bring it on yourself. You own no shame, guilt, or remorse. In your life, you have faced many demons but look around you and you will see there is hope, and there is beauty. You are beautiful, You are loved, there is hope. You deserve to be loved and treated with respect. You deserve peace and joy in your life. Don’t settle for anything less than that. God has plans for you. Your future does not have to be dictated by your past.

    Each step you take you are not alone.

    Stand Strong.

    TBH

    Please go to this link to read how to accept your award.
    http://turkeyboneheaven.com/2014/03/23/brave-heart-award/
    Please go to this link to read how to accept your award.

    • Thank you so very much! I’ve never been nominated for an award before… Its an incredible honor! Thank you also for your words of encouragement, wisdom, and strength. I appreciate them more then you know!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s